Postnatal Wellbeing - Getting Out of Your Space, To Gain Some Headspace!

I have previously mentioned that I suffered quite a traumatic birth with Rae and I have been very open about how I struggled with Separation anxiety when Rae was first born. I believe it to be down to the fact that because she as so unwell and there was a quite real chance we could have lost her, that I then never wanted to be without her. 

I have received quite a few messages recently from new mums after they have read about my  experience, asking me what I did to break this cycle. 

Now, I know that a mothers instinct is to protect her child and trust me I would give my life for my daughter a million times over, but when Rae was first born I would not even let anyone else hold her, except her dad, for fear that something bad would happen to her. Typing this and with the gift of hindsight I realise just how fragile I was physically (I was also very sick after Rae's birth as we both contracted sepsis and strep b) and also how fragile I was mentally.

As you guys have asked what I did to help, I thought I would share some of my best advise and if I am honest they are just completely normal every day things, but when you go through such a huge change they can feel very daunting. Never, ever, be ashamed to struggle in doing an every day task, instead just take baby steps and do it a little at a time.

Get Out of The House!

This felt so daunting for me after Rae was born and because we spent a week in hospital after her birth, I think I built it up into a huge thing in my mind!.
In hospital I felt safe, then when they said you can go home and monitor her, I just wanted to keep her indoors, safe and where I could control her surroundings and also mine. I soon came to realise that one day I would need to leave the house! and so slowly but surely and with a very supportive Mr we got out of the house. 

First to the shop, then further away and then driving to places, which is a daunting task itself with a newborn in the car, but I did it! and I can honestly say that just getting outside can give you so much perspective. For me it feels so strange to reflect upon myself during this time and the fact that it was so out of character for me to hide. Because I found walking so helpful and balancing, I have taken her for a walk every day that I have been with her since she was a few months old. The time when I am walking is a great time for reflection but also just to realise that there is so much more going on around you.  Also most newborns sleep brilliantly in prams whilst on a walk so it is great excuse to go and grab a coffee.

I also found taking Rae to some mum and baby classes very helpful, this is because you are surrounded by mums who are in similar situations to you, this means you can talk to each other and support each other in a time where all you might want to hear is that you are not alone in this experience and that, yes, at times it can feel overwhelming. 

Take some time for yourself!

Now, I'm not saying it's time to go on a mad night out! We are talking baby steps here and nights out will be the last thing you think of trust me. I didn't actually have any time away from Rae until she was 7 and a half months old, only when she had gone for a walk in the pram with her dad for an hour maximum which I found heart wrenching (like I said fragile mental wellbeing).

What I am suggesting here is, have a bath, book a hairdresser to come to you or a nail technician to come to you. Just doing something that is investing time in yourself. 

You have gone through a life and body changing experience and now it is time to look after Mummy a bit and let everyone else dote on bubba. My favourites were a hot bath with Epsom salts, face masks, hair masks and just taking an hours nap. 

Eat Well!

This is not in any way, shape or form telling you to diet so let me clear that up right now and thinking about weight will not be on your mind either! You may think it will be as during your pregnancy its all "how long will it take me to lost the baby weight" when in reality you're so tired that what you're actually thinking is  "I am so exhausted from no sleep and feeding my baby constantly that I want to order a pizza immediately and stuff my face with the next piece of chocolate in sight and then the next 50 pieces after that".

What I am actually trying to say is, eat well and healthily, especially if you are breast feeding but do not under any circumstances deprive yourself of anything. At this time you will need all of the energy you can get and if a some chocolate is on the menu then so be it, you enjoy every last mouthful.

Don't be afraid to ask for help!

I remember the first time Rae stayed at my mums house and we had grand plans to go on a night out and have a fancy meal. The reality was that we were both such nervous wrecks that  we came home sat in bed watched some Netflix, all the while asking "do you think she's ok?" and then frantically texting my mum, who promptly told me she is fine and to sod off. 

We then after about two hours passed out and ended up staying in, (naturally I woke every hour or so to check my phone for "come and get her" texts which never came and she was absolutely fine) 

Now, I know something like this can be very daunting, so my advice would be to start small. If you are struggling, maybe try just letting a trusted family member take bubba for a walk around the neighbourhood or to a local shop. Get them to have their phone with them and on loud and allow yourself twenty minutes or so to yourself. You will then be able to build this up over time.  

I hope this helps even one person, I know I wish I had read something like this

when I first had Rae as it would have made me feel less alone in the feelings

I was having. Just remember that is your are having a hard time, you must allow yourself some time to heal physically and mentally, whist also letting the people who love you support you through it! Never feel bad for feeling a little low if you ever do and just know every day you will feel a little better and back to being you, you just need to allow yourself time. 

Hope to see you all back here soon and please share your stories below. 

Jordan 

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